Catching Up

So, I'm two weeks behind in posting my notes from class. I took a week off to post the Thanksgiving post - lol. Posting once a week is about my max. I haven't been writing as furiously as I had at the beginning of this "topic" of the heart. We are definitely sitting in this place for a while. I think Dan and Jody see how fundamental this is for building on everything from here. For the FIRST time in my life, I feel like I am actually "getting it". For so many years, I've struggled with the same, habitual sins be it laziness, selfishness, whatever. I kept thinking, "Oh, I need to just TRY a little harder or DO something a little different." But then, nothing really changes. When Jody said a few weeks ago that when our heart is sick we can do nothing to change it. That really hit me between the eyes - I guess the eyes of my heart. We HAVE to confess it. I realize now that it is learning absolute honesty and submission. I confess my sinful heart to the Father and ask for Him to come in and heal me. Man, this has really begun to change my life. I think I wrote about this already but it is STILL changing me. Hopefully, it always will be. It has really started healing the real problem...my sick heart. This verse comes to mind:

"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh." Ezekiel 36:26

So, onto the teaching. Two Sunday's ago Jody said our heart condition is genetic. Just like physical health problems, our sick heart was inherited through our fathers. This is why we tend to default back to that. What is my foundation? Is it Christ or is it the church? And by church I mean - is it the traditions and things we think we need to DO or how we need to act? Do I have strength of SOUL or do I only do what I HEAR the Father saying to do?

That last question is SO critical. I have operated in strength of soul for years - wondering if what I was doing was "God's will" and running ahead in my own power and then praying desperatly for God to either bless or forgive my actions.

This next part totally hit me between the eyes, too. Jody said, "I am only going to comprehend love when I am around someone who offends me." What? By being around someone that completely offends me, I either learn to grow in love and my heart is expanded - or I have a heart attack and my heart is hardened and shut down. There is no middle ground. I have a choice every time I am around someone who offends me. If I have a "heart attack" it is as serious as a physical heart attack. I need to get to the heart doctor NOW! Confess, confess, confess. He is the only avenue of real healing.

I still remember Jody saying quite a while ago now, that her daughters did not teach her love. They are EASY to love. It has been the struggles, trials, forever ongoing ups and downs with her son that has taught her truly how to love.

Last week, I just had a couple of things that stood out to me. Dan said our stories are impactual. They are what we pass down from generation to generation. Each of us is writing our own story now. If we have to go back 2000 years ago to the Bible to find stories for our kids, our kids will think that God USED to work, but He doesn't now. Those stories, have merrit and they totally are important as a foundation for us, but we should be showing our kids through OUR stories of how we learn to become dependent on the Lord and how He has taken care of and will ALWAYS take care of us. That is something I am pondering a lot now. Is my life story a reflection of trusting and relying on the Lord? I definitely see that there are times and periods of my life where it is. But Dan also said this. "There are two ways we get stories - circumstances that hit us or walking in obedience."

I think a lot of my "stories" have come because of a desperate situation that has come upon me and I cling to the Father and ask Him to work or to help me in whatever it may be. I am desiring to have more stories from just the amazing, scary, crazy things that happen from walking in obedience. I have had a couple direct answers to prayer lately from walking in a new direction in a way I have felt God leading. It has been a bit scary but it is also exciting because I totally believe my God is capable of ANYTHING. When I pray believing that and trusting in His provisions for my family and I, He has met me and answered me. My faith is strengthened. But, I have to believe before there are answers. I think that is the crazy thing about faith. I believe because of who I know God is. I don't give up hope because I know God CAN work in any way He wants. And if He chooses not to work in a way that I think He should, it is because He has a much better, different plan for me. Even if I don't understand, I continue this journey of faith and new chapter in my story.

The "science" of how familes get and stay happy

I read an article in a parenting magazine on my break at work a couple of weeks ago. I copied it and brought it home so I could write down key points that I thought are really good. Mind you, this isn't a Christian magazine but some of the principles I think definitely agree with how Christ thinks.



Here are some "snippits" -



GIVE THANKS - NO MATTER WHAT

"Expressing gratitude is good for our overall well-being: People who do so are healthier, more successful at reaching their goals, more optimistic, and more inclined to help others. But what if your family is struggling, say with a job loss, and no one is feeling like they have much to be thankful for?

'There's nothing wrong with faking it," says Robert Emmons, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at teh University of California, Davis. 'It doesn't have to be spontaneous or natural. Act grateful, and you'll soon start feeling it.'

This strategy is based on a well-known psychological fact: Human brains don't like to behave and feel in opposition. That's why your kids will struggle through the simple exercise of trying to smile while saying something mean, or attempting to frown while saying 'I love you.' Their expressions will want to follow their words.

For those of us whose natural tendency is to see the glass as half empty, the fact that our brain wants to align with our actions provides some support on the way to happiness. During your week, take time to identify some little positive, and then give thanks - to the person responsible, to yourself, to the universe or your God. Not only will you feel better, but it'll set a good example ofr your kids."



SEEK OUT SATISFACTION IN YOUR CHOICES

"It's important to learn to be content with how our decisions turn out. My children's pre-school teacher sent the girls home repeating what turns out to be a powerful mantra for happiness: 'You get what you get and you don't throw a fit.'

'I've never met a parent who will say she only wants what's "good enough" for her kids, but if happiness is your goal, that's exactly where you need to aim.' His research shows that for many people, having multiple options and aspiring for the very best among them causes far more pain than gain. He calls these people "maximizers," and we all know them" They are the ones who can't enjoy the balcony at the beach hotel because they see a better balcony around the corner. In fact maximizers may never even get down to the shore at all. They are so consumed with making the 'right' and best choices that they end up paralyzed, unable to decide if they should ask for the pool view or the beach view. For every one of them, though, there is what he calls a 'satisficer': someone totally at peace with her balcony, who goes out there, sits back and enjoys the view. She knows she chose this hotel at this rate and will relish the fact that she has a few days to escape.'

Make a deliberate practice of being personally and publicly satisfied with your own personal decisions and not second-guessing yourself or comparing yourself to others. This may not be your nature, and you might not always succeed, but trying is half the battle."


LOSE YOURSELF IN THE MOMENT

"Okay, not every moment. But research indicates that happy people focus on moments of joy: those in the present, the past, and even ones possible in the future. You might also regularly take time to remind your kids about the good things that happened in the past, and what might happen in the future. Savoring the past is particularly helpful at creating happiness, because it lets you milk a single event. Research has shown that during these reminiscences, the brain actually reexperiences its original sensation of pleasure. There are plenty of adults who won't look back on things that are gone forever because they fear it will make them sad. But we can teach our children that we can relive moments that were precious to us and, in doing so, enjoy them again."

SPREAD OUT THE JOY

"Even if you could give your family everything, any new thing they got would mean very little. But for someon who has nothing, the smallest of treasures can be overwhelmingly wonderful"

FOCUS ON YOUR CIRCLE

"All the studies show that the key and consistent element in the lives of very happy people is close personal relationships. Period. Humans are meant to be together."


So, I am totally guilty of being the "maximizer", fearing I will make the "wrong" choice and then being unable to get past that to enjoy the present. I know a lot of that is learning to give up control. A HUGE piece for me in that is learning to hear Papa's voice and actually being led by Him in my decisions instead of doing whatever I want and praying that God blesses me in spite of my decisions. I know I still run ahead sometimes but I make more time to quiet my heart and listen for that still, small Voice.

I wanted to get my family in a habit of thanksgiving, not JUST for this season but it seemed like an appropriate time to start. SO, I started an "I am thankful for" board. Very simple and totally boring looking. It is just a piece of construction paper with those words on it taped to my front door. Almost every day (we have missed a couple here and there) everyone says what they are thankful for, I write it down, Keira cuts it out, and Mia tapes it up. I sort of meant for them to go ON the construction paper, but they have been scattered all over my front door - lol. It is a good, visual reminder for our family though that we have LOTS to be thankful for.

I liked what the article said about if you don't feel like it, fake it. It's so true - when you are in a negative mindset, it takes work to pull yourself out of that downward spiral. I've noticed when I'm in a negative mood, almost everything that comes out of my mouth has a negative or sarcastic "spin" on it. If I change mid-stream and LOOK for the positive, it may not feel natural or like I even WANT to do that but after practice it starts to come more natural.

I have been trying to start my day with focusing on things I'm thankful for and when my heart is filled with thanksgiving I am naturally a better wife, mom, daughter, friend, person in general.

Right now, I am thankful for the wonderful night of sleep I got, for the glow of our little Christmas tree next to me, for a quiet house, for my animals staring at me pleading with their eyes for me to feed them. lol And I'm thankful for one more day. One more day to get the opportunity to strive to be all He created me to be, and to experience His grace in the moments I fail.

Thankfulness is Key

So, here I am one hour before we need to leave for church - posting my notes from last week. What a slacker I am! lol. I processed these a little bit with my Sat. morning Bible study group but I need to transfer them from my chicken scratch handwriting to a blog where it's more "readable".

Here we go... Heart treasures cannot be stored in the heart because the heart is where the Holy of Holies lives. It's comparable to the temple of the Old Testament. the Holy of Holies was where only the Lord was present, the Arc of the Covenant. There could be NOTHING else in the Holy of Holies.

But, present life - our heart IS that temple. Well, the heart is where we store things we hope for someday. We can store treasures in our heart that are only good for this world. For example, a single person may hope to get married someday. That is a treasure they are holding in their heart. A person may hope for a better job, a family, a vacation - anything. Those things aren't BAD things but when they take up residence in the heart they become idols - then there is mixture and God will not work in our hearts until we allow him to remove the other treasures. He is a jealous God. There is only room for Him in there. Even my spouse and my kids HAVE to be second to God. When He consumes my whole heart - I will actually love my spouse and my kids, and anyone else WAY better. I will love them freely because I'm not holding them "hostage" so to speak in my heart. I love them unconditionally with God's love, not my own selfish love.

Look back at my week...where have I made investments? They can be financial, time, with people...where I make my investments will show me where my treasure is. I can find who may be "sharing" residence in my heart with the Lord.

This next part was KEY for me - it hit me between the eyes. When I am NOT thankful and I want God to serve my needs, I make God an idol who serves me. WOW. That totally sucks. I put myself in the place of God where I make decisions about what I think is best for me and my life and when God doesn't do what I want, I am unhappy and angry. I make my own plans and expect or hope that God will just come around and bless what I want - instead of aligning myself with HIM and asking Him what His plans are for my life. I think I have lived selfishly like that a LOT and wondered why God never blessed my plans. Makes total sense now.

When I AM thankful, I put God where He belongs - as GOD and I live in the moment and trust God with my future. I liked that a lot - especially since that is the title of my blog and what I am hoping to achieve, daily...not always there yet, but getting there. I can grieve the loss of my hopes but trust God that he has MUCH better things in mind for me than I could EVER hope for.

Where are my eyes? Are they focused on ME and MY situation or are they focused on WHO God is?

When our phyiscal heart is sick, by the time symptoms occur it is almost too late. Heart attacks can come on quickly and bring sudden death. Usually a person can't actually FEEL the vessels being clogged. Same exact way with our spiritual heart. We actually have to go to the heart doctor - the Great Physician and have him do some work - go in with a scope and shine light on those dark places. See if there are any vessels that are clogged or blocked off - and He may need to do open heart surgery to repair them.

Some of the signs we may have a heart condition that may lead to sudden death are - if we only intake spiritually but don't exercise - aka - we sit and listen with our ears and our mind but our heart is not changed. We don't pour out what we learn - we don't bear fruit. We become "obese" spiritually. Full of so much knowledge but never really living it.

We only partake in the blessings, but are sedentary in the trials.

We "binge" and "purge".

There is so much more Jody had in hand-written notes on comparison to the physical heart and the spiritual heart. She is having someone type it out for us. There was so much more than this, but this is all I had room to write on the side margin of my notes. Hopefully, she will have those other notes for us today.

Okay, off to dry my hair!

Heart Condition

So, before my mind gets filled to the point of exploding again tomorrow, I need to at least put down a couple of things I learned from class last week. I'm tired and it's after 1am but I still need to do this.

Jody was saying that we CANNOT hear God unless we have the right heart condition. And here's the thing - if we recognize something is wrong with our heart, WE CANNOT CHANGE IT. I don't think I totally grasped the reality of that. I always talk to God and ask Him to help me do better or soften my heart - which asking to have my heart softened is on the right track, but it is still not the total answer. I must CONFESS that I have a problem. My heart is sick. I need my Savior to come in and clean out the infection and stitch me up. I cannot remove the problem on my own.

Here's another thing that stuck out to me. If a sick heart is exposed to God's truth but does not respond but instead turns away, it does not go away unaffected. Just being exposed to the truth and not letting it grip me, will cause my heart to actually become MORE hardened. Crazy. That is pretty serious stuff. When I make light of things, roll my eyes, take things that are important to God as a joke my heart is becoming more and more sick. It is tightening up the walls. Closing off the doors, sealing off the entrance. The heart is really the gateway to the soul. It is by our hearts being changed that we are saved. We do need to involve our minds, too but we need to be gripped by our hearts. Our hearts are deep within us. The changes that need to happen in my life need to happen deep within. Inside the core of my being.

There was so much more that was taught - that is just the tip of the surface of what I can just begin to get my mind and my heart around. So I pray God, soften my heart. Open the eyes of my heart. To see with Your eyes and to be able to really hear You. And thank You for loving me where I am at right now.

Motives

So, James is one of my favorite books in the Bible. It is one that hits me directly between the eyes because it is very convicting of a lot of my selfish behavior. This passage speaks huge to me.

1What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? 2You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. 3When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. James 4:1-3

Only three small verses...but they hold so much weight. There has also been another verse swirling around my head along these lines.

2 All a man's ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the LORD. Proverbs 16:2

Motives...this is what the dictionary says:

-noun
1.
something that causes a person to act in a certain way, do a certain thing, etc.; incentive.
2.
the goal or object of a person's actions: Her motive was revenge.

What are my motives? The Proverbs verse really shakes me because I KNOW there are times where I act one way but am lying with my actions because my heart is different. It is more evident in the James passage because I usually end up seeing the selfish part when I am in an argument with someone. It is more the secretive motives where I may even be deceiving myself that really shake me to the core. I am actually grieved to know there are probably a lot of areas in my heart that are black because I FEEL like I have good motives but they are actually completely selfish, unGod-seeking ones. They dictate my actions and cause me to try and control my behavior and other peoples behavior and when things don't go the way I want, I get angry.

I have to let go of this. It is something that is HUGELY destructive to relationships and when relationships are the most important thing to God then it is time for me to change.

I only get one chance at this life. There are no re-dues. Some day, I WILL stand before the Father and all of the things of my heart will be exposed. I won't be able to make excuses. Nothing holds a candle to holiness. What do I want? I want to look into Jesus' eyes and have Him say, "Well done, my good and faithful servent. Well done." I don't want to be the person that buried my talent because of wrong motives - selfishness, laziness, whatever it may be.

One life - and today might be my last day. None of us really ever know. That was made evident with how quickly my dad was sitting at the breakfast table one moment and standing in Glory the next.

It's not easy. I'm asking God to nudge me, to weigh my motives. If I am praying for something that is a desire of my heart what are my surrounding reasons? Is it to bring Him glory? And if I DON'T get what I want, how will I respond? My response shows either how selfish my desires are or how willing I am to submit MY PLANS under His will. That has been a big deal lately. MY PLANS. My plans get in the way A LOT.

Lord would you help me submit my plans to Your will? God, help me release control over the things I have no control of anyway and live fully in the moment, able to hear Your voice.

Those are my prayers. I know it may be moment by moment surrender until the intensity of having to grasp things so tightly begins to loosen and I begin to rest in the power of God's perfect plan - no matter how it looks to me.

Thank you Jesus for your faithfulness to me, even if I seem to be a slow learner. Thank you for loving me anyway.

Good stuff

In Sunday school at church we are learning about what it really means to follow Christ. Jody asked if there is a dfference between mental assent and following at a heart level. I would say - absolutely. Unfortunately, it is EASIER to follow what we think is the right thing based on a rule we made or someone else made for us, rather than actually follow Christ. Following Christ is uncomfortable and often times scary, delving into what feels like unchartered waters. The cool thing with it being so new is that we have no idea what each outcome will be. We can and should expect miracles continuously as we hold Jesus' hand in an incredible adventure.

Rule keeping is the easy way out. The law in the Old Testament is sort of like a tutor. It is there until people become mature enough to develop discernment. Living faith is born in the relationship, not in the rule keeping.

This reminds me of what someone told me about the sin of passivity. She was looking at Scriptures and seeing that the person who withdraws from relationship and seems passive can actually be at greater fault than someone who is commiting outward "evident" sins. (Mind you, I'm processing all of my B.S. stuff and the stuff from class and corelating all of this together so this may not really make sense to anyone else but me.) I am just beginning to really see how deep God is calling us to relationships - not just to Him but to each other. Say, Travis and I get in an argument and he is upset and I withdraw (which is what usually happens). I may feel completely justified for my withdrawal because to me, it may be uncalled for that he is upset. BUT, my withdrawal from engaging with him in working on our relationship is something that God takes very seriously. I am called to have an active part in my relationship with not only my husband but also my brothers and sisters in Christ.

One other thing Jody said is that conviction is God raising His voice. When we're convicted about something, He's speaking loudly, plainly, in our face. Conviction is an invitation for repentance - it is NOT in itself repentance, just the very beginning of the journey. She said to picture a car. God is driving. He pulls up to you and says, "Get in." And as you are driving you begin throwing all your baggage out the window at different points. Once the baggage is all thrown out, you come to a cul-de-sac which is where repentence takes place. We can only be truly repentant once we have gotten rid of all of our baggage. Then, once we've repented, we make a turn and go back in the opposite direction.

This is another thing she said that I liked, "God's communication with His children is like a fingerprint. They can be similar, but it is still unique to you." He loves us so much that He actually uniquely communicates with each one of us. Wow. Now, I really am wanting to hear Him so clearly - to drown out the loud voices of myself that have been there so long and to really hear and know Him. I want to have the assurance that I don't ever have to worry if "that was really God" because His voice will be so strong and seperate that I will totally know my God's voice from the others. His voice is beginning to get stronger in my heart, so I know it is starting to happen. Baby steps, I suppose. One day at a time.

God is in the clouds

So, my mind is full from another great weekend of being challenged. Our little Bible study group met early Sat. morning at my friend Jenny's house. It is weird because we are all reading different places in the Bible, yet I have been in awe of how much stuff ties together. This time, it was clouds. Jenny had actually researched clouds and found that God is IN the clouds much of the time in the Bible and the word "clouds" is mentioned 153 times in the Bible. Ellen mentioned that at Bible study that week, they talked about an angel that was wrapped in a cloud. I have been reading in Exodus in the part where God descended on Mt. Sinai and it was huge scary thing. The people had to do all kinds of ceremonial things just to be present and see the mountain. They weren't even allowed to come near it. God set boundaries around his holiness because he knew they would die. Only Moses was allowed near. But, the thing that really stood out to me was this verse. "The people remained at a distance, while Moses approached the thick darkness where God was." Exodus 20:21 "the thick darkness" In all of the verses that God is in the clouds and now there is a darkness that is almost tangible - that is where God is. It made me think, sometimes in the darkest times it feel like God is the furthest away. I am getting a new picture that in the darkness and clouds of my life - maybe that is when he is actually the closest. I always relate darkness to evil, sin, scary stuff. I relate God to light - which he is. But Satan is also an angel of light. I guess that's where it really comes in knowing God and having a relationship with him is how I'm going to discern and be able to see God in the darkness and walk forward not being afraid. I even think of decisions I have to make, where no one can tell me what to do, that is like darkness. I have to be able to hear his voice and trust He is with me.

I have more that I learned at church yesterday, but that will have to wait for another post. Gotta get ready for work!

Choosing Thankfulness

So, I have been grumpy. I choose this. It's not cool, but I have gotten my mind in a funk. I became grumpy when expectations I had for this weekend went differently than I had hoped. I then started planning my Sunday, on Saturday while in a training session for work. I planned - it would be a jammie day and we would hang out - maybe I would go to the store early and get stuff to make breakfast. I would spend the day snuggling and playing with my girls. Well, I totally forgot we had our picture for the pictorial directory at the church at 11:30. I had it set in my head that I wasn't going to rush around and we would probably just go for the picture and leave - which is what we did. If I had thought things through differently though - starting with those thoughts that entered my mind and began forming a plan - YESTERDAY, today might have gone differently. You see, most of the day really didn't go how I had planned. We did lots of things I didn't want to do - not bad things...just not in MY plan for my ONE day off. So, that gave me the right to be a turd and to have total blackness in my heart - or so I thought. I am realizing now, I wish I would have recognized the totally selfish thoughts that were in my head yesterday that completely blinded me from seeing clearly today. I really wish NOW that we would have gone to church for more than just the picture because I really believe I needed and still need to renew my mind. To get my eyes off of just ME. When I am focused solely on what affects me, my whole family is thrown off because how can I even begin to see what God has for US when I have my eyes turned INWARD. (sigh) There is much I would do differently these last few days - starting with having a better attitude. So, since I can't go and change even the most recent past, I will go ahead and make a change now. Right now, I choose thankfulness. Here are some of the things I am thankful for - as they come to my mind:

*Most definitely Travis, my partner in even the not so fun aspects of life, and especially the fun stuff - lol
* Keira Lynn - my compassionate, kind-hearted little girl who is so full of love and life. Her questions about God and life and people and whatever comes to her ever thinking mind always keeping me on my toes.
* Mia Promise - who is teaching me more and more every day how incapable I am at truly parenting but forces me to fall to my knees begging God to show me how to reach her. Her life is a blessing and I am thankful for her snuggles.
*I'm thankful for the opportunity to grow. That in hard times I have the chance to struggle though and with God with me every step, grow more and more into the person He has created me.
*I'm thankful for a wonderful family - extended, Trav's, step, genetic - all of it. The older I get, the more precious I realize family is.
*I'm thankful for a handful of friends that are more precious than gold - loyal, caring, loving, God fearing friends.

I could go on...I feel my heart changing. I feel the darkness beginning to flee. And I remember Scriptures that tell me that love casts out fear and I realize the basis for a lot of my behaviors these last few days have been founded in fear. Fear of things I would like to control and things that I think I CAN maybe control, but I can't. I am learning...sometimes more slowly than I think I should be. Hopefully, I still move an inch or so forward even when I fall back a few feet. Progress seems to be slow. But, I know it's when I give up, the battle has been lost. So, I will give thanks for the little things, the big things and keep on going.

Learning Real Love

We are learning some really good stuff at church. Things I don't want to forget and I want to write them down so I can actually process them better. I wrote a hodge podge of notes but typing them up totally helps me process and let it stick.

Jody talked about an ancient deception. The deception is, "I am not loved". She said when we are wounded, especially in childhood MANY times that deception comes into the wound and that message feeds our brain - we are not loved, lovable nor are we capable of really showing love to others. What happens to the wound then, is that it is never healed. When that deception is there, it causes an infection to happen. Then, it is not the wound that is killing us, but the infection. But the wound is still there sitting gaping inside us, pouring out blood.

Dan talked about resentment. He said the actual term comes from "re-sense", basically to feel something all over again. Like when you see someone that has hurt you, you feel everything all over again. He said this is the time we have a choice to make. We can choose bitterness, or we can choose love. If we have that ancient deception inside of us, we are going to have to go back to the place where we were fed that lie and clean out all of the infection. We can only be made whole through the power that comes in forgiving. That is only made possible through God. But when, in resentment we choose bitterness, we only hurt ourselves. The person who has hurt us goes free while we are in prison. Forgivness sets us free. Dan also said, when we remember how much God has forgiven us, that SHOULD make it easer to forgive other people. "Forgive as I have forgiven you."

They also talked about the body of Christ being like the covenant of marriage. Do I have a covenant in my marriage or is it a contractual agreement? A covenant always seeks out the other person's needs first. Of COURSE I don't have a covenant - at least a LOT of the time. It is when I realize how incredibley selfish I am that I realize my absolute dependence on the Lord in my marriage - otherwise my marriage will 100% fail. I have come to that realization, but I don't know that I have always thought of the body of Christ as THAT sort of commitment. Jody said it's not the people that are easy to love that teach us love. It is the hard places, the people that I wouldn't naturally be drawn to, the people I may not even like. Those are the people that I am CALLED to be in covenant with. Dan said, whoever said the Christian life was easy, had no clue what they were talking about. No kidding.

Dan also said, "Unity is the environment where maturity occurs. It's not the goal." I'm still processing that one.

OH, one more thing Jody said is that when we have that infection inside of us, it causes us to have a "limp" of sorts. That limp is a bend/a filter in the way we see everything/everyone. It taints our focus on reality. The infection causes us to see everything out of our wounds eye and not the real world. That made me want to do some soul searching. Are there areas in my life that are wounded and I've not let them heal and they've become infected? I hope not, but it is definitely something I'm bringing before the Lord.

I thank GOD for our teachers and the wisdom they pour out on us. I am thankful for all of the hungry people, more and more coming to learn and seek out the wisdom of the Lord. I am praying this wisdom takes root in my heart and springs up with life and that I don't just brush it aside and go about my selfish ways. It is easy for me to get distracted and not hear God in the details of my life.

So here I am...in process.

Time with my mom

So, after Labor Day Weekend, we were raving so much about Travis' grandparent's place to my mom and telling her she should go sometime, that Travis had an idea. He suggested we run up there on Friday (last weekend) for the night. He even suggested staying the full weekend, but I didn't want to be away from the kids that long since I had to work on Monday. SO, surpisingly - that's what we did! At first, I woke up on Friday morning feeling SO tired, with the start of a sore throat and had a GRIP of things to do that day - starting with early morning grocery shopping. I downed an Emergen-C and laid on the couch thinking I was maybe going to be in bed all weekend. Surprisingly, I started feeling better quickly and was able to get up and function an hour or so later. Yay! Thanks God!

I picked my mom up in the early evening after Trav got home from school. The hard part was leaving Keira. I hadn't told her I was leaving until right before and she started crying when she found out I was leaving overnight. She wanted to come with us. I gave her lots of squeezes and assured her I would be home the next day. I was torn - but I knew I couldn't pass up this opportunity to get away kid-free with my mom - and give Travis some daddy time with the girls.

It was Friday, so of course the traffic was horrific. I listened to the traffic report on the way to mom's and it was stopped or slow pretty much everywhere. I had a surprise suggestion for her. I still owed her our mother/daughter pedicure from her b-day back in May so I said, "Let's go get that now, instead of sitting in traffic." There's an awesome place at Mall 205 that has like 8 chairs and they do a really good job. So, we went there. By the time we left an hour later, traffic was smooth sailing. It was a great start to our little trip.

We chatted with Trav's grandma when we got there until pretty late and then went to bed. The next morning, we munched on fruit and pastries and I was glued to the Food Network. I have missed my cooking shows! LOL. I actually got some great recipes that I came home and saved in my recipe favorites to try later. It was so fun to lay on the couch, watch cooking shows and read during the commercials.

We went to the tea house for lunch with grandma. We both figured mom needed to experience it. I did really good though! I didn't gorge myself and took most of the desserts and scones home. I mainly just ate the little sandwiches.

Then, when we got back mom and I explored a couple of beaches and took a walk. Of course, I didn't bring my purse - just my license so I wasn't lugging anything around, so I forgot my camera. I didn't take a single picture all weekend!

After our driving/walks, we just hung out for a bit, cleaned up the guest house, and relaxed. We went to a yummy little diner with Sherman and Grandma in Gerabaldi. It was right on the wharf down by the boats. It's just a hole-in-the wall little place but the seafood is amazing! I got a shrimp salad and chowder. Mom had halibut and chips and I tried it. All of it was delicious. We got back into town around 8pm. It was a great little get-away and I am thankful we got that opportunity.

Keira's first day of school

So it came upon us...quicker thatn I expected. Keira started pre-school last Thursday, Sept 10th. I got up early, with a pit in my stomach. I was going to miss our morning routine, but I tried not to be too sad so I could be excited for her. She woke up around 7:40 and came running excitedly into the kitchen. She knew what day it was and she was SO excited. We ate breakfast together, brushed her teeth and picked out an outfit. She insisted on wearing a dress with tights. That's my girl! She loves dressing up. So even though I had been dreading not having any time with her, I got a lot of special time, just her and I getting her ready. When we had been eating breakfast she said, "I love eating with family." So cute. Just another thing to make me realize how important family meals are to sit and talk and spend time together. She's four and it's already special to her.

So, she was ready and I took pictures of her and her cute princess backpack. I had to actually wake Mia up because she was still asleep and it was almost time to leave. I just opened her room door and she slowly woke up on her own, which was nice. I got her ready, and we were out the door. We got to school and had to wait outside for a little bit because they have the doors locked until exacly 9am. We ran into Keira's friend Amanda who is going there for the three year old class so we were able to get a picture of them together. It was pretty cute.

We went into Keira's class and I sat on the floor while Keira got oriented. Her teacher is SO sweet - she taught my niece when she was four and she is just such a great lady. Her mom and my grandma were best friends, so that makes it even more special. Keira played with some legos for a little bit and then a spot opened up at the painting table. She was all over it. Mia and I stayed while she started to paint. I got a little bit worried because there was one boy who was having a HUGE meltdown after his mom left. She looked at me and said, "did he fall down?" I said something along the lines of, "probably". That seemed to satisfy her and she went back to painting. He even ended up on the floor behind her crying and thrashing around. She looked at me and I said, "he's going to be okay." She nodded and went back to painting. I asked her once if she wanted me to stay or go and she still wanted me to stay, so we waited and made friends with some kids at the table. Eventually, she said, "It's okay mom, you can go." She sounded quietly confident and it made me feel good and sad at the same time. I think the hardest part was just getting in the car and driving home - even though it's only a few blocks. It was weird LEAVING her in a building without being there with her, like when we go to church. I'm used to being just a classroom or two away, not in another location.

We got home and I fed Mia breakfast. Now it was time for our special time together. We ran to Costco and ran into some other mom's there from the preschool. Funny. My mom will be picking her up but she didn't know where she was going so I went with her and Mia to show her where the classroom was. Plus, I really wanted to be there to pick her up on her first day. When she came out, she was beaming from ear to ear. She had had a great day. Her only frustration was not enough time outside - lol.

Our Awesome Weekend

Travis' grandparents (mom's side) have a summer home in Netarts, OR. They have invited us to come visit them for quite a while, letting us know they have a guest house and we would be totally welcome. We have always wanted to come stay and finally got our opportunity this weekend. Travis had to go to Cannon Beach for an overnight school retreat on Thursday so it was the perfect opportunity to pick him up on Friday and head down. We got there around 3pm. I had a picture in my mind of what it would look like, but I had no idea what to really expect. The house was beautiful. it isn't directly on the ocean but on a bay that connects to the ocean. They are raised up on a hill and their living room has HUGE windows that overlook the whole bay. The view is amazing. Behind their home, is a quaint little guest house. That was where we stayed. It was adorable. It had a living room and a kitchen connected to it - all one room and two little bedrooms with a bathroom. There was a TV with full cable which Travis of course loved - lol. When I walked in, I noticed coloring books and crayons on the table for the girls, plus two little dolly's for each of them. There was a bowl of fruit on the table and various breakfast pastries on the counter, not to mention a plate of freshly baked cookies on the table as well. It has the cutest little fridge/sink/stove combo in the kitchen and I opened the fridge to find juice boxes for the kids, a container of orange juice, bottled water, and beer. There was also a couple of bottles of wine. I felt like royalty. Not only did they provide a beautiful place to stay, but all of the little touches were so personalized. I was overwhelmed. It made me think - this is the kinds of stuff our heavenly Father loves to do for us, lavish us with personal gifts. I wonder how many times we recognize gifts from Him or do we just take things for granted and never thank Him?

ANYWAY, back to the weekend. I spent most of the afternoon chatting with Trav's grandma while the kids ran around the fun new house exploring with Sherman (Trav's step-grandpa) and Travis napped. For dinner, Sherman cooked cheeseburgers - only they weren't just cheeseburgers...they had the most amazing green chili spread on them that he made from scratch. I don't really know how to describe it, other than I hadn't tasted anything like it before. He roasted some green chiles (they were pretty mild) and did some sort of magic to them, mixing them with things like sour cream, cream cheese, I think he said mayo, vinegar and salt and pepper. I felt like I was eating in a gourmet restaurant. I guess he likes to watch the Food Network and cooking is just sort of his hobby. It was amazing - and the potato salad he made, I hadn't had anything like that either. My KIDS even ate most of their hamburgers and potato salad and neither of them really like potato salad so that says something.

After dinner, we drove down to the beach so the girls could play. Netarts is right next to a place called Oceanside and that is the beach we took them, too. We brought all their sand toys so they had a ball playing in the sand. It was a beautiful night, but you could see the rain moving in from the ocean. Eventually, it started sprinkling so we left. When we got back to the house, we decided to call it a night since the girls didn't have naps and they definitely needed a bath. We bathed them and put them to bed in one of the bedrooms. I was a little uneasy about putting Mia in that big bed, because she fell out of the bed when her and I were sharing a bed once but I put pillows all around the sides of the bed so I felt like she would be okay. For some reason, I had a hard time falling asleep. I woke up at 3:30 and was wide awake. I should have gone and checked on the girls right then, but I didn't. A few minutes later I heard a thump and then screaming. I knew Mia had fallen off the bed. I went running in and automatically went to her side - she wasn't there. She was clear at the foot of the bed on Keira's side...of course, where no pillows were. Dang it! I was trying to comfort her and get her back to sleep when I noticed my shirt was covered in blood. We took her into the light and she had bitten through her lip in two spots. She also had a little bit of blood in her nose. Poor baby! She really smashed her face on the ground. So, I got in bed on one side of her and Travis got in on the other side of Keira. It was a family bed...lol. I did NOT sleep well that night but I was glad to be next to my kiddos. They seemed to sleep really well. I was on a tiny corner of the bed, trying to stay on, but it was good for the kiddo snuggles!

Saturday, we got up and Sherman made a fantastic breakfast...of course. Then Trav's Aunt Colleen got there with his cousin Sean. All of us but Colleen went to Cape Meares and saw the lighthouse. The day turned out beautiful! We thought it was going to rain all day but it didn't. It was completely blue skies. After we came back from the lighthouse all of us girls went to a tea house. Trav's grandma raved about this place and had asked me if I thought my girls would like it. I told her they would love it. So, she treated us to lunch there which was AMAZING - little, fancy sandwiches, scones, and to DIE for desserts. Not to mention, the tea was delicious. The girls got their own fancy "kids" plates and they brought them strawberry lemonade in fancy tea pots. There were hats and scarves and gloves that they could dress up with. It was so much fun.

We came back and took naps - the girls took AWESOME naps. We brought in Mia's pack-n-play. I'm REALLY glad I decided to bring it, just in case. She slept really well in that and I think she felt a lot safer being closed in - and we didn't have to worry. By the time Keira woke up it was almost dinner time. Mia was still sleeping and Trav's mom and sister, Meghan had just gotten there, so I came up to the house to say hi. Mia woke up just in time for dinner. Sherman outdid himself again and made prime rib, macaroni and cheese with like 5 cheeses in it, green beans, bread with this bruschesta stuff that I could have just eaten by the spoonful. It was so delicious. After dinner, we just all sat around and drank red wine and chatted. It was fun to hear old stories. Travis, Sean and the little kids went downstairs and watched the Disney channel. I think I went to bed before Keira that night - lol! I finally took Mia to bed I think around 11. Travis and I slept in one room with her in the pack-n-play. Meghan slept on the couch in the guest house and Ronna slept in the other bedroom with Keira.

Sunday morning Trav's Uncle David, his fiancee and two sons showed up. We were up at the house around 8:30 and no one was up. We wore his poor grandparents out! We chatted and drank coffee for a while before Sherman came out. He was surprised to see us all in his living room. He made buttermilk pancakes and bacon for breakfast which were awesome, of course. I got to work on cleaning up our stuff and then we were all going to the cheese factory, then we were heading home. When we got there, though, it was SO crowded and it had rained most of the morning so there were huge puddles in the parking lot. Travis and I decided to opt out on the factory. Keira was upset but we went to another little cheese factory down the road and they had a little petting zoo. The girls had fun with that. They were definitely tired and we needed to get them home. We stopped at a little mom and pop place for lunch and even though it was 4 when we got them down for naps, we didn't hear a peep out of them. We had a great time.

Thinking about stuff

So, I am reading through the Bible - turns out, very slowly...but I have decided to read it through. I heard someone say that she reads it through twice a year and she has done it for years now and said that every time she reads it, it totally changes her life. God gives her something new each time. I was pretty amazed by that. I am not putting pressure on myself to read it through in six months. I do not pick it up every day - sometimes only once a week. But when I go too long without reading it, I definitely feel that hunger to hear what God's precious Word has to say to me. This week, I read about Joseph - obviously - I'm still in Genesis...lol. Anyway, his story completely got me thinking. He was pretty much an old man that had endured a pretty awful life before he even had a clue as to what God was doing with him. He was betrayed by his brothers, thrown in a pit, sold to the Egyptians. Then, he was doing well and "prospering" as a slave in Egypt but then he was betrayed by Potipher's wife and thrown in prison. He helped a couple people out in prison and all he asked was that they remember him when they talked to Pharoah. Did the guy remember?? Not until TWO years later...wow. That really sucks. But yet he still trusted God - and he trusted God with his gift - interpreting dreams. I think the thing that amazes me most is that when he was pretty much running all of Egypt because he had been obedient to God, he did not hold a grudge against his brothers. He wept for them. He even told them that them throwing him into that pit was NOT their fault. That GOD had had a complete purpose in doing that. Amazing. He did not see the culmination of what God was going to do with his life, until he was old. He didn't get to grow up with his family and only got to see his father a little bit before he died, but he understood that God had a bigger plan and eventually, he got to spend all eternity with them. I look at my life and see how quick I am to blame others or to not exhibit grace or mercy - only giving to someone when they are giving to me. Maybe it took those years and years of Joseph being away from his family to forgive them - maybe he forgave them right away. It doesn't really say. But he got there. He was faithful to God and God was faithful to him. His story spurred me on to keep on, keepin on. To show grace always. That is hard for me. I want to be the judge. Joseph did mess with his brothers a little - I wondered if that was sort of "getting back" at them for all they put him through. But in the end, he blessed them HUGE. They didn't deserve it. Sort of like what God does for me every day. I don't deserve the free gift of salvation. I don't deserve to be able to walk into His presence and have a relationship with him, but he gives me HUGE blessings - probably the majority of which I haven't even discovered yet. Hmm. I can definitely learn from Joseph. Use the gifts God has given me with confidence. Don't hold grudges - this life is to short to stay angry. Believe that God has a purpose for my life, even though I may not see how he's working in my current situation. Stay faithful in ALL my actions. God see's everything - including the darkest areas of my heart where I even try to fool myself sometimes.

That's all for now...still processing.

Summer Highlights

WOW - it has been two months and one day since I posted last...time has flown and lots has happened. Here are a some of the high and low lights :-)

June 12-15th - Travis and I celebrated eight years of marriage by taking a trip to San Francisco. It was the first time we had been on an airplane since the girls were born. Surprisingly...I was ready. I went gung-ho down the ramp to board the plane. I had forgotten how much I used to enjoy traveling - and flying! Travis had even booked me a window seat as a surprise. We spent part of the trip with our good friends Josh and Meredith. We ate at the Rain Forest Cafe and spent much of the time roaming the city on foot. Travis and I took a trip to Alcatraz which was really interesting. The whole time we were there, the weather was beautiful. I fell in love with San Francisco.

June 25th - I was laid off from my job. This was a bit unexpected, yet I hadn't been able to shake the feeling for a while now that I was supposed to NOT be at Willamette Dental anymore. I was having a hard time going - while I loved my co-workers and I really did enjoy my work, I just was feeling unsettled. When I got laid off, it was like all of the pieces fell into place in my head. God had been preparing me for that moment. It was a bit surreal at first, but it didn't take long for both Travis and I to really appreciate what had happened - that I would have a time at home with him and the girls before his crazy school schedule would start.

June 26th - Mia turns two! We had her birthday party on Saturday the 27th with an Elmo theme (of course). The kid LOVES Elmo. My sister-in-law, Meghan made an AWESOME cake (like usual). We had a great time celebrating in our yard. The weather was warm, but not in the hundreds like last year - thankfully!

We took a couple of weekend camping trips in July. One with my mom, aunt and uncle, cousin and his family and the other one with my sister and her family. Other than the weather was HOT and made being IN the trailer pretty uncomfortable, we had a good time. The kids love being outdoors.

Last weekend we even did a spontaneous road trip to the beach. It was last minute - we threw in ONE bag that had all of our stuff in it, took some toys for the kids and headed out. We are fortunate enough to have an open invitation at Travis' grandma's house - actually both of his grandma's have houses at the beach, which is really cool. We got there around 9:30 on Saturday evening after stopping for dinner in Beaverton. We had a blast with the girls on Sunday - went to the acquarium, walked around downtown Seaside, played in the sand, fed the seagulls, and Keira and I went to the park while Travis and Mia took a three hour nap! Our trip was sort of a "test run" to see if we could actually successfully pull off a last minute trip - because that is what they will probably be during these next few years with Travis in some pretty intense school.

August 10th - I started a new job!! Pretty amazing - I lost my job on a Thursday, saw a posting for this job on the next Monday and applied for it, got a call on Tuesday, had a phone interview on Wednesday. The rest of the process slowed down a bit because they were weeding through over 200 applicants!! I ended up going in for a working interview and then they were trying to decide betweein me and one other person so we had to both do a personality test. I was told mine came out just a tiny bit stronger so I got the job! It is at a dental office in Vancouver and so far it seems great. The only hard time I've had is that it is in the afternoon so I tend to get sleepy right when I get there. I still have to get up early in the mornings to get some things done before the kiddos wake up. I love what I'm learning though and the staff seems pheonominal - like they really work well together. I'm very excited to still be in the dental field and to learn more about how things work in a private practice. Plus, I will still have Fridays off and will keep my hours around 30 per week.

August 15th - the girls were in Trav's cousin Jenni's wedding. This was Keira's second wedding as a flower girl, and Mia's first. It was so cute to watch them and they did really. Mia managed to stay up there for about the first 10 or 15 minutes which was WAY better than I thought she would since she had a really hard time at the rehearsal.

TODAY - August 17th - Travis starts dental school! As I write this, he is three minutes into his class. One HUGE praise is that my uncle has a house right above the school and he is letting Travis park his truck there!! PTL!!! There is NO parking for the first two years and he was really stressed out about taking public transportation and the time that would add on to his commute. My uncle just called us last night to tell us it was okay. Parking is really crazy up there and people that LIVE there have to have a permit to park on the street because it was used so much for the school.

Yesterday, we went to a picnic for new students. Of course, it was a bit awkward at first. Nobody really talked to us so we just sat down at a picnic table and started feeding the girls chips lol. We did end up meeting a few really nice people. There was one couple there that had a baby and the girls of course wanted to go see the little boy, so we got to know them a little bit. They moved here from Montana for him to go to school and they know no one. I really feel for them - especially the girl who will be at home with that little boy, not having any friends or family around. We exchanged numbers and I hope to keep in touch with her and maybe set up a play date in the next few weeks. They had a contest at the picnic and Travis was the 2nd oldest student - the first oldest was also 32 but his b-day was a little before Trav's. Travis did win the prize for the most kids, though. We were the ONLY ones there with two kids. ACK! But then we got to talking about it, any other students with kids probably stayed home, because the picnic WAS right at nap time. lol

So, here we begin the start of a new era...I'm sure these next four years will be tough - but we have SO much to be thankful for. I can't even begin to express how grateful I am to be able to stay in town, in our house, with numerous friends and family to support us.

Until next time...whenever that may be. :-)

Funny last day of swimming lessons

I almost forgot to blog this, with the craziness of life lately but thankfully I remembered. Saturday, June 6th was the girls last swimming lesson. It was more of a "fun" day. The pool has like four or five different pools - some connected, some not. The pool that Keira's class was held in had a huge curly slide that came down into it. She always said she wanted to go in that, but it was never turned on during lessons. There is this little stream thing that we go around and create a "current". Our class was going around it and Keira and I were the last ones back into the regular pool. We just caught the tail end of the instructor telling us that we were going to get to go down the water slide. COOL! She had apparently given some instructions...none of which we heard, but we headed on up to the top of the slide anyway.

We watched as others went down and then it was our turn. Keira sat on my lap and as we took off, I ended up being pulled on my back. We literally CATAPULTED our way around that thing. I was "wooo-hooo"ing because it was like a ride at a waterpark. We were going crazy fast. Needless to say, we both crashed into the water - going under of course. The force had pulled us back so much there was no way I could keep her head out of the water. We were in for it.

When we came up for air, I could tell Keira was beginning to panic at what had just happened. I was calming her down when I realized my vision was blurry. The force of the crash into the water had knocked my glasses off!! I immediately alterted the instructors and they put their goggles on and dove in. People kept coming down the slide, and I prepared myself for the worst - mangled, broken glasses. To my surprise, they were perfect! PTL! I put them on and we waited for Travis and Mia to come down. They came down nice and slowly and Trav lifted Mia out of the water at the end...just like all of the other kids and their parents. He was laughing at me when he got out. He said, "Didn't you hear the instructions? You are supposed to sit up and spread your feet apart to get you to go slower." Information I could have used PRIOR to shooting out like a cannonball. I would do it again, though. ;-) It was awesome.

Oh, and both girls got certificates saying they passed the class. Mia is too little to move on yet but Keira got awarded to move on from "Starfish" to "Goldfish". Yea girls!

Trav's birthday

Trav's birthday fell on a Wednesday this year, which is a day he had school. I had planned on getting him a gun he really wanted for his birthday and had done a lot of researching on it. My brother-in-law, Nate helped me SO much by finding out exactly which gun it was and where I could get it. Turns out it is a very popular model which in turn means it is hard to come by! I had put an order in for it three weeks before and they said it should only take two weeks...it still was not in though, when I called the day before his birthday. My mom was pitching in $$ so the present was going to be from both of us. I had decided to just print off a picture of the gun and give him that, since we did not have the actual gun.

I woke up extra early on that day and had to WILL myself to get out of bed. I got to Starbucks around 5am and got Trav one of his favorite drinks and an old fashioned donut. I got home and was getting ready for work when Keira woke up, all on her own. The first words out of her mouth were, "Happy birthday daddy!!" How sweet is that?? She went and hugged him since he was still in bed and scratched his back. Cute little punkin!! She wanted to make his day special, too. Both girls were able to wish him happy birthday before he went to school.

I got off work at 3pm, which is three hours early for me. I wanted to make sure I had some time to spend with Trav on his actual birthday and we could celebrate in some way or another. When I got off work, I had a message from the gun place. His gun was in!! I was SO excited. If everything worked out - we had a chance of getting back to pick it up in time before they closed.

I went home and picked Trav up. We went to get the girls and I was so excited about "something" he was worried there might be a surprise party waiting for him. LOL. When I gave him the picture of his gun, he was excited but he said he already kinda knew. I guess he was suspicious but trying to not get his hopes up - just from some of the conversation he had had with my brother in law. Then I got to tell him the gun actually was in and we could go get it! That was the best part. We were able to go out there and pick it up before going to his mom's house for dinner. Once he actually had the gun he was super excited.

We had his favorite pizza with his mom and sisters and his mom's house. His mom also made two amazing pies - banana cream and chocolate cream. He got to show off his new "piece". He seemed to enjoy our time together with his family. It was a fun evening.

Memorial Day Weekend

So this year, we were planning on going camping for the long weekend because we normally go up Labor Day Weekend with my sister and her family but with Trav starting school in August, our chances of going will be small. The month of May sort of happened upon me and became incredibly busy. All of my wishful thoughts of getting the trailer ready two to three weeks ahead vanished as birthday parties, swimming lessons, trips to the store, and Mother's Day bbq's filled in all the vacant time.



We stayed home and the result was incredible sense of relief and excitement to just be together as a family. On Friday night, our friends Josh and Meredith came over for a couple of hours. We had bought a used firestove from my co-worker Jeanine and Trav got that going. That thing was like a real campfire! We all sat around it in the backyard and chatted - we even smelled like campfire when we went inside. Funny!



On Saturday, my neighbors were having a bbq. They are moving in about a month so I thought it would be fun to hang out with their friends one last time. They also invited Josh and Meredith - but they already had plans, and Bryan and Jenny. They had a HUGE turnout. I think everyone they invited showed up. They had some really good food and we hung out for a bit and came back to our house. Mia was completely out of sorts. I was almost getting scared because she was crying so hard and not calming down, I didn't know what to do. It reminded me of the very young days, when babies are so little they cry and cry because they can't communicate to you what's wrong. I think she had a tummy ache because she kept tooting and I finally got her calmed down when she was lying on the floor of her room on her back with her bottle. I figured out she was teething so I gave her some Tylenol and Oragel and that seemed to help a bit. I put her in her bed, hoping she might fall asleep again. Trav and Bryan hung out inside and watched this nerdy sci-fi show they both like (lol) and Jenny and I took Keira and Gabe to play outside. They stayed for a couple of hours and we had fun in spite of Mia's issues.

On Sunday I had decided in advance that we were going to take a hiattus (sp) from church and have another relaxing day. I made crepes for breakfast and the kiddo's slept in pretty well. Mia still wasn't having a good day, and Travis had announced on Saturday night that his throat hurt and he didn't feel well. We stayed pretty close to home, running a couple of errands during the day and stopping to get slurpies on the way home. It was so cute to see Mia standing in line with her tiny slurpie in her hands. So cute! So, she was still not quite herself today and she had been pulling on her ears. I began to wonder if she DID have an ear infection. One of my friends had suggested puting olive oil in her ears, stating that that had helped her daughter when she had some ear infections. I wasn't sure what to think about that so I talked with Travis about it. He actually confirmed that olive oil can be good at healing a lot of different things, but the reason it is good for ear infections is that it covers the bacteria and makes it so they can't move anymore. SO, I thought - what the heck? I'll try it. I found one of those nose bulb syringe things that had never been opened and I got a little bowl of olive oil and squeezed it into both of her ears. To my surprise, she actually LIKED it. I ended up doing it twice that day, and the second time I did she giggled! She has not complained about her ears hurting since that day, so I guess it helped. Who knew?

Sunday evening Trav's mom and the neighbors came over for a bbq. We combined all of our food and had a great yummy meal!

On Monday we had another beautiful day - bbqing and roasting smores on our neighbors coal barbeque.

All in all, we had a fun, relaxing weekend - in spite of the the two of us that were still feeling under the weather. Trav managed to start several more projects in our yard and we had lots of quality time together with the girls. We couldn't have asked for a more beautiful weekend weather wise, either!

Some cute stuff

OH, I can think of so many things to write about - things that have been circling around in my mind about things that I'm learning as well as all of the things I want to say about my girls. For now, here are a couple of cute things I don't want to forget.

The last week or so Keira has been asking how to say things in Spanish - I think because Seasame Street does a lot of stuff in Spanish. She has been "trying it out", so to speak. She surprised me the other night when she wanted to have the music turned up in the car...she told me she wanted it turned up. She knows better - she needs to ASK and say please. Here's the conversation:

K: "Mom, turn up the music."

Me: "Excuse me? I'm not sure I understood you."

K: "Por favor! Turn up the music?"

LOL! Okay! It surprised me how easily she used it in the right context.

The next cute thing she did was yesterday on the way to church, she was talking. I wanted some time to think without having to answer a hundred questions so I told her to play the "quiet game". After a couple of minutes she told me she was bored. I told her she could talk in her head, and she said, "Well, I can't talk in my head. God is talking in there!" I was again, pleasantly surprised so I asked her what God was saying to her. She said, "Well, He's saying, I love you dear, Keira." CUTE!

I told her I hoped she always is able to hear God's voice that clearly.

Mia is still learning her words but that kid takes in a lot more than she communicates. Last night, the beginning os Extreme Makeover Home Edition was on and the people on it were crying. She comes over to me and leans her head to the side and says, "Mama" points to the TV "sad". "Why mama, saaad??" She was concerned for the people on TV who were crying. I tried to explain it to her the best I could that they had had hard times and they were sad. She seemed to understand a little - she nodded and stared at least. I was amazed at how she was visibly moved by the emotion she saw in front of her. She has a sensitive heart for how rough and tumble she can be.

Mia's doctor's appt

So, my poor little Mia has been struggling with a nasty stomach bug since Tuesday. The weird part is that she seemed to get better after only 24 hours, only to fall back into a way worse "version"...wretching up stomach bile because she the only thing she had had to eat in two days was Saltines and a little bit of a banana. I began to get worried and on Friday afternoon, I became more discouraged when she threw up again - after almost 24 hours of nothing. She was crying in the middle of the night, Friday night and had some major poo issues. She was listless and refused water. She took a little with some coaxing. It was at that point that I called and spoke with a pediatrics nurse at Emanuel Children's Hospital. She said this had gone on a little two long and I should take her in today. I continued to give her little bits of water throughout the night, and only a couple of times did she refuse it totally.

The doctor wasn't our regular one but I have had him a couple of times before for Keira and he is a very nice older man. He thought her symptoms were a little odd...starting and stopping but he doesn't think it is really anything more than the flu. He was concerned about something else, though. He noticed that when she had come in in February for a bad cold she weighed less than she had at her 18 month appt, just one month earlier. Now, she weighed even less - partially because she was sick, but he is mainly concerned that she keeps dropping weight instead of gaining it. He said it is normal for kids to stop gaining for a while, but it is not normal to drop weight. He said we could do a blood test to see if she has a wheat allergy. I opted not to do that right now and he said that was totally fine. He wrote in her chart that she should come back for a weight check in one month and if she is gaining, then there is no real need for concern. My gut feeling is that she is probably okay, being how she is normally such a good eater...but you never know. It would be LAME if she does have a wheat allergy, but there are so many things that could be worse, I would be thankful that it is something that can be workable - we would just have to adjust our eating habits. That probably would be for the better anyway!!

So, no barfing today...both girls are napping right now. Mia's eyes still have that sick look but she is in great spirits. I took her to Freddies on the way home from the doctors office and every time we went down a new isle she kept shouting, "OH yeah!!" People were cracking up. I am hoping and praying we are on the uphill swing of this thing and that both my girls will be back to their healthy, rambunctious selves. Keira has been her spunky self all day, which has been one relief.

The strangest feeling...

Yesterday morning I woke up and felt like I had dreamed about my dad. I couldn't remember the dream, although I wish I could have. Later in the day, I was looking at some old pictures and I saw my dad in one. Instead of feeling the usual sad, lonely feeling of knowing how long it has been since I've seen him, I had the strange feeling like I had just talked to him. It was like a content feeling like I can't explain. Content doesn't even really describe it...it's just the only word that I can think of that somewhat resembles what I'm feeling. The closest thing I can use to describe it is a fictional illistratation from The Shack. A girl had passed away and God let her play and interact with her siblings in their dreams. I know that is fictional, but who knows, maybe that is something that does happen? I don't think I can explain how I'm feeling very well. Someday, I will be able to know the truth...but probably not in this life.

March Birthdays

So I have taken a big long break from blogging because I have been frusterated and discouraged with all the time I spent trying to upload pictures only to have them not turn out the way I'd hoped. I'm going to take a "picture break" and at least start getting some posts back up here.

So, March had three family birthdays - Keira's on March 11th, my brother Patrick's on March 21st and mine on March 28th.

My big girl Keira turned 4 and I was nervous to get her excited about anything - considering the horrible birthday we had when she turned three and we were all sick. This year, however turned out MUCH better. Her and I had such a fun day. We dropped Mia off at my mom's and then I took her to Starbucks for a kids cocoa and a donut. Then we dropped off her paperwork to enroll her in the pre-school down the street from our house. We took a potty break and then headed to West Linn. There is a salon there geared especially for kids called Sit Still. I had booked a manicure there for her. She was SO excited. She loved the special treatment. Then we met my sister and her daughter at Red Robin for lunch. Then we went to their house so the kids could play for a couple of hours. They were both beyond ecstatic. Plus, I was looking forward to some time to be able to chat with my sis without having to watch out for little Mia. Afterwards, we went to my mom's to pick up Mia. When we got home, Keira took a little rest and then it was round two. Trav's mom came over and we met his sisters' at Izzy's (house) for dinner. The day turned out perfect. I thanked God repetitively for such an amazing day. Everything worked out so well...it totally made up for last year.

We had a small b-day party for Keira on Sat. March 14th at Papa's Pizza. Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves and the kids had a blast playing in the kids area. It was nice to just be able to get there, set up, have the party and leave. The only bummer is that we had a two hour time limit so we couldn't just hang out as long as we felt like it. There were other parties booked in our spot. Saturday is a crazy day there! Although, I would highly recommend going there at opening time - 11am. It worked great in getting our food fast and making the most of our time there.

My brother's b-day was so fun. He turned 34 and wanted to go rollar skating! We got our family together and went to Buster's Bbq in Milwaukie. It was SO good. Then we headed to Oaks Park and I whipped out those old roller blades and we all went skating...well everyone but Travis and Mia. Poor little Mia didn't understand why she couldn't go out there with us. I think Trav was a little frusterated having to watch her. I think she would have a blast doing that when she gets a little bigger. We all had so much fun we decided to make a girls skating night. It's good excercise, too!

Lastly, my 33rd birthday was SO much fun. I started celebrating the day before by going out to breakfast with my mother-in-law and sister-in-law, Kendall, Travis and the girls. We went to the Hotcake House on Powell. Sort of spendy but pretty good! We used to go there a lot with my parents. Then, later that day, we went to dinner with my mom at the Macaroni Grill. She had a gift card to there. OMGosh - it was amazing. All the food tasted so good.

Travis and my mom were in "kahoots" (sp??) together and got me a laptop for my birthday!! I am using that right now as I type. Trav had researched prices and found a really good deal with a $100 off coupon and it is SO nice. I was ecstatic. He even uploaded all of my pictures on it and put some programs I would use on it - basically he did everything he could to get it completely ready for me to use. I was VERY impressed.

On my actual birthday, I met my sister for a day of shopping. I am so NOT a shopper - she is WONDERFUL to go with. She helps me stay focused and has so many great ideas. I got so many cool things that were great deals. I am now accesorized with scarfs, dangly necklaces, and a hat and have some WAY cool additions to my wardrobe. I feel a lot more confident that I could go shopping on my own and do alright although it will still probably be overwhelming for me. We had such a fun time and she has such a great eye for picking stuff out!

Trav and I and the girls were going to go out to dinner but I was ready to rest. Plus we found out the restaurant we were going to go to didn't open until 5pm and the girls were taking late naps. We opted instead for Burgerville cheeseburgers in front of the tv. lol. Then we were off for round two of b-day fun. We dropped the girls off at Nanna's. Nate and Teresa dropped Kambrie off there, too and went out for a fun night of bowling! We had the best time - we laughed so hard. Trav's sisters showed up for a bit and Meghan bought me a very potent drink. It was very yummy, though!! After bowling, the four of us went to Buffalo Wild Wings to hang out for a bit. They had these very goofy hats that we all had to try on.

Oh, and my sister bought me flowers, too - which...I might add proudly, are still alive on my kitchen table without my cats eating them! That is an accomplishment in and of itself. :-)

March was a fun month in our family. :-)

Mia's 18 month appt

Last Friday, I took Mia to her 18 month appt. She is actually going to be 19 months in a few days. I can't believe how fast it's going. She was SUCH a happy kid there. She really loves her doctor and she flirted with everyone in the waiting room. I was a bit nervous since the appointment was right during her nap time.

They have you fill out this big two page paper (front and back) asking all kinds of questions about things your child can do. One part annoyed me - it gives you activities for them to do and then see if they can do it like puting things in a clear jar and tipping them over to get them out. WELL, I'm sure she probably could do that but since I just don't HAVE a bag of tricks with me, I couldn't exactly test her. Well, they put her down as not passing those because I wrote that she probably could do them. The doctor was going to have me come back in a month or see if she was doing those. I'm thinking, "yeah, I really don't HAVE another $25 to come just to tell you my daughter can flip something upside down." SO, I said, "Do you have something we can just try it with now?" Sheeeesh! So with a bottle of their's and some crackers of mine, Mia passed with flying colors. She is actually ahead on her motor skills, which I can tell. She amazes me at how balanced she is - she doesn't get that from me! LOL!

The questionnaire asked if she can say at least 8 words. At first I was stumped. I could barely think of eight but I put down that she could. Now, after her appt I have been so much more aware of which words she says and she says way more than eight - that I can understand. She has been doing a LOT of "gibberish". I just need the little "interpretor" bubble over her head so I get it. lol. One of the only "phrases" that I understand where she puts two words together is "All gone".

Some other words she says are : daddy, mama, diddy (sissy), eat, eeeese (please), cheese, woof (what she calls the dog), owwww (meow - what she calls the cats), no, yes, up, nanna (for bannana and Nanna), she did say Kendall once. I know she says other things, but that's all I can think of right now.

She is just above 50th percentile in height - she had a growth spurt and she is at 50th percentile in weight, 24 lbs. So, I have an average kid! Which is above average for us since Keira was just a tiny little thing.

She also knows a lot of her body parts - ears, eyes, mouth, hair, toes, hands. Thank you body parts book!

Anyway, I was very relieved the appointment went well and when I take her back for her two year, she won't need any vaccines. Yea!

Clean air and doggie poo

The girls and I have had colds for a week or so - we're pretty much over them, but I have noticed something for a while now. When we are inside, and the heat comes on, we all start sneezing. Travis has had a terrible time breathing in the house for quite some time. It has been frusterating because we love being home - but I had this nagging feeling that being home was making us sick. Travis had wanted to replace the heating duct work several years ago. We didn't have the money for that and so other than replacing the furnace filter every couple months and vaccuuming out the vents once or twice with the shop vac, that is about all we have done.

The other night, I ran accross a coupon for a company that comes and cleans out up to 10 heating vents for $100. Trav was on the phone with them the next day. Thursday, they came out and cleaned out all the vents down to the main "trunk". Then they sprayed something down them that would kill mold and bacteria growing in there. I don't think I have ever breathed so well in all the time that I have lived here. It is AWESOME!!

So, in my excitement the next morning, I woke up and had ideas in my head of how my day would go - do WII Fit, make breakfast, fold laundry, etc...Well, I stopped in my tracks when I looked at a mass of BROWN at the base of the dogs chair - as well as going down the blanket which was on the chair. What I originally thought was dog barf, was actually dog DIAHREA! SO INCREDIBLY FOUL! Thank the LORD Almighty for whoever created "The Bissel". I almost dry heaved. The last time my dog had diahrea in the house was when I was prego with Keira and Mercy was a puppy. She really had to go and just couldn't make it. SO, I Bisseled for over an hour trying to get up ALL of the poop. NASTY! That was the straw that broke the camel's back. Time to get the carpets professionally cleaned.

Ironically enough, the same "value pak" coupons had a really cheap offer for a place called OxiFresh. They would come and clean two rooms for $77. Not bad. I called and they were here the next day. Christmas money was well spent this year - lol! Not to mention, I had them clean my chair just to make sure. I am also praising God for our washer that has a sanitary cycle on it. It practically boils the water. I threw in the poopy blanket and towels I used to clean and set it on pre-wash and extra rinse sanitary. That hog was running for 2.5 hrs.

So now, I (momentarily) have stain free carpet as well as being able to breath.

It's good to be home!

Coupon Shopping

I have to admit...I am a person that cuts out or saves coupons - only to let them sit in my wallet while I forget about them and they expire. SO, I found some "Super Coupons" for Safeway this week that were pretty amazing deals. I actually used them this morning and felt so proud of myself. I got a 5 lb bag of apples for $1.99, 5 lbs of ground turkey for just under $10 and two boxes of Honey Nut Cherrios for $3.00. Pretty sweet. I got a few energy bars that were on sale and I SAVED over $26!!! I only spent $18!! I love that I actually saved a significant more than I spent. It's just the little things that make me happy. ;-)

We make our plans and God says...Really???

This has been probably the most interesting holiday season of my life...to say the least. It has definitely been different - not BAD necessarily, just different. WELL, some of it was bad but I can't really get into that part. So, I'll get explain the "different" part. ;-)

I am approaching the end of almost 3 weeks off. My last day of work was Thursday, December 18th and I only worked until 10am that day. I was scheduled to be at an office in Milwaukie and that was the day it snowed really hard in the morning. My mom called, concerned that I wouldn't be able to get the girls off her hill so I left work and went to take them home. By the time I got home, it was starting to melt, but I was nervous that it would start up again and I was traumatized a bit by sliding into my mom's driveway. I am NOT a good driver in the snow. I panic a lot and refuse to drive. SO, I kept the girls home and thus started my vacation...seven hours early. Little did I know that that would be my last time driving for almost a week and a half. The next time I ventured out on my own was the Sunday after Christmas.

The snow was cool. Trav and I both agreed we liked the snow because we liked the change it brought. We both tend to get really worn down with all the holiday festivities and it was sort of nice to have a decision made for you - to be stuck at home. The snow was SO pretty. It was just so refreshing to have a beautiful white fluff blanketing the earth. Yes, it was cold and the snow was too deep to even take the kids on walks, but it sure was beautiful. We managed to get out a little bit. Trav put chains on the car when it really started getting bad - last Monday, I think and we ventured down the road to Office Depot. We did little spin out's in the road and had a blast. Plus, it was DEAD in Office Depot and we let the girls get some energy out for a bit. Better there, than up and down our hall! lol.

All of our "pre-Christmas" activities got rescheduled. Some things were disappointing like my nieces Christmas pagent got cancelled and we couldn't make it to the Nutcracker. :-( But I think the thing I learned most with the snow is that I sure am not in control. I like to make plans - have a plan and call people and discuss the plan. With how quickly things changed, there was really no way I could make plans for even a few hours later without knowing what was going to happen with the weather. I really had to make a conscience decision to just go with the flow. The flow was happening, whether I liked it or not. I could either be a grump (which is often my M.O.) or just reeeeelax.

One thing that Trav and I both commented on - we usually go to my cousin Leanne's on Christmas Eve. That got rescheduled to Saturday night and we both felt like we had the most fun over there this year. We just felt so much more relaxed without thinking about all the upcoming events the next day - or even preparing for Santa to come that night. ;-) Change isn't always a bad thing. This year was definitely weird, though.

I got my Christmas decor down on Monday and Tuesday and all the Christmas presents "unboxed" and put away. That, was a feat in itself with all the ridiculous boxes and wrapping they come in. I still need to get my deep cleaning done, to feel like my house is really "in order" but I have to say, I think this is a record year for getting the stuff cleaned up. It is sort of sad to not have our pretty Christmas lights still hanging up outside, but I don't really miss the tree. With a house as small as ours - any extra stuff REALLY makes it feel cluttered, which in turn makes me uptight and agitated. The only reason I miss the decor is that it feels like Christmas came and was gone so quickly - even though I started listening to Christmas music in November. LOL. I guess I'm glad I miss it...I think I'll just look forward to it even more next year.

Well, as this new year starts, I think back to the blessings of 2008 and what I am thankful for. Number ONE is that my kids stayed healthy this WHOLE fall (THANK YOU LORD) - I prayed VERY earnestly every day for their health and kept up on the vitamins and hand washing. I know I turned slightly manic, but after such a hard year last year, any part I can play in helping us all stay healthy, I am willing to do it.

I am also so thankful for a warm and cozy house. It may be little, but when it was so cold outside - I thanked God for the shelter and provision He has given us. I am thankful that we never lost power or that our furnace never died - as it was running almost constantly!

I am thankful for wonderful friends and family to celebrate the holidays with and who invest their lives in mine and the lives of my kids.

I am SO thankful for God's faithfulness in Travis' journey with school. He has been amazing - opening doors so quickly and easily for OHSU...it was unreal. So much so, that we KNEW without a shadow of doubt that it was God's will. This will be our "pile of rocks" that we need to turn and look at when we have times of doubt or trials that will come with the rocky road of being in dental school and having a family as well as figuring out all of the financial aspects that go along with that.

I am also very thankful for the place God has me right now. We are all on a journey in our walk with Him, but for so long I have been prepping myself for this time of year. January is not a good month for me. In 2008, January's depression spiraled into 6 months of really hard times. The last half of the year, I have tried to do some spiritual "training" to get my mind and heart in a good spot where I am not motivated on external forces but with an inner passion that is fueled by my relationship with the Father. I feel like it has paid off - so far. Granted - I am not even one full day into January (lol) but I feel like I am in a much better spot than in years past. NOW, if this year, I can add PHYSICAL training into the mix, I will be in a good spot all around. Baby steps, I guess. I need to start with my heart condition and then move to my fat condition. LOL!

I believe 2009 will be a year of growing our faith and strengthing our passion and desire to follow Him with all of our hearts.

Here's to a new year!