The "science" of how familes get and stay happy

I read an article in a parenting magazine on my break at work a couple of weeks ago. I copied it and brought it home so I could write down key points that I thought are really good. Mind you, this isn't a Christian magazine but some of the principles I think definitely agree with how Christ thinks.



Here are some "snippits" -



GIVE THANKS - NO MATTER WHAT

"Expressing gratitude is good for our overall well-being: People who do so are healthier, more successful at reaching their goals, more optimistic, and more inclined to help others. But what if your family is struggling, say with a job loss, and no one is feeling like they have much to be thankful for?

'There's nothing wrong with faking it," says Robert Emmons, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at teh University of California, Davis. 'It doesn't have to be spontaneous or natural. Act grateful, and you'll soon start feeling it.'

This strategy is based on a well-known psychological fact: Human brains don't like to behave and feel in opposition. That's why your kids will struggle through the simple exercise of trying to smile while saying something mean, or attempting to frown while saying 'I love you.' Their expressions will want to follow their words.

For those of us whose natural tendency is to see the glass as half empty, the fact that our brain wants to align with our actions provides some support on the way to happiness. During your week, take time to identify some little positive, and then give thanks - to the person responsible, to yourself, to the universe or your God. Not only will you feel better, but it'll set a good example ofr your kids."



SEEK OUT SATISFACTION IN YOUR CHOICES

"It's important to learn to be content with how our decisions turn out. My children's pre-school teacher sent the girls home repeating what turns out to be a powerful mantra for happiness: 'You get what you get and you don't throw a fit.'

'I've never met a parent who will say she only wants what's "good enough" for her kids, but if happiness is your goal, that's exactly where you need to aim.' His research shows that for many people, having multiple options and aspiring for the very best among them causes far more pain than gain. He calls these people "maximizers," and we all know them" They are the ones who can't enjoy the balcony at the beach hotel because they see a better balcony around the corner. In fact maximizers may never even get down to the shore at all. They are so consumed with making the 'right' and best choices that they end up paralyzed, unable to decide if they should ask for the pool view or the beach view. For every one of them, though, there is what he calls a 'satisficer': someone totally at peace with her balcony, who goes out there, sits back and enjoys the view. She knows she chose this hotel at this rate and will relish the fact that she has a few days to escape.'

Make a deliberate practice of being personally and publicly satisfied with your own personal decisions and not second-guessing yourself or comparing yourself to others. This may not be your nature, and you might not always succeed, but trying is half the battle."


LOSE YOURSELF IN THE MOMENT

"Okay, not every moment. But research indicates that happy people focus on moments of joy: those in the present, the past, and even ones possible in the future. You might also regularly take time to remind your kids about the good things that happened in the past, and what might happen in the future. Savoring the past is particularly helpful at creating happiness, because it lets you milk a single event. Research has shown that during these reminiscences, the brain actually reexperiences its original sensation of pleasure. There are plenty of adults who won't look back on things that are gone forever because they fear it will make them sad. But we can teach our children that we can relive moments that were precious to us and, in doing so, enjoy them again."

SPREAD OUT THE JOY

"Even if you could give your family everything, any new thing they got would mean very little. But for someon who has nothing, the smallest of treasures can be overwhelmingly wonderful"

FOCUS ON YOUR CIRCLE

"All the studies show that the key and consistent element in the lives of very happy people is close personal relationships. Period. Humans are meant to be together."


So, I am totally guilty of being the "maximizer", fearing I will make the "wrong" choice and then being unable to get past that to enjoy the present. I know a lot of that is learning to give up control. A HUGE piece for me in that is learning to hear Papa's voice and actually being led by Him in my decisions instead of doing whatever I want and praying that God blesses me in spite of my decisions. I know I still run ahead sometimes but I make more time to quiet my heart and listen for that still, small Voice.

I wanted to get my family in a habit of thanksgiving, not JUST for this season but it seemed like an appropriate time to start. SO, I started an "I am thankful for" board. Very simple and totally boring looking. It is just a piece of construction paper with those words on it taped to my front door. Almost every day (we have missed a couple here and there) everyone says what they are thankful for, I write it down, Keira cuts it out, and Mia tapes it up. I sort of meant for them to go ON the construction paper, but they have been scattered all over my front door - lol. It is a good, visual reminder for our family though that we have LOTS to be thankful for.

I liked what the article said about if you don't feel like it, fake it. It's so true - when you are in a negative mindset, it takes work to pull yourself out of that downward spiral. I've noticed when I'm in a negative mood, almost everything that comes out of my mouth has a negative or sarcastic "spin" on it. If I change mid-stream and LOOK for the positive, it may not feel natural or like I even WANT to do that but after practice it starts to come more natural.

I have been trying to start my day with focusing on things I'm thankful for and when my heart is filled with thanksgiving I am naturally a better wife, mom, daughter, friend, person in general.

Right now, I am thankful for the wonderful night of sleep I got, for the glow of our little Christmas tree next to me, for a quiet house, for my animals staring at me pleading with their eyes for me to feed them. lol And I'm thankful for one more day. One more day to get the opportunity to strive to be all He created me to be, and to experience His grace in the moments I fail.