Motives

So, James is one of my favorite books in the Bible. It is one that hits me directly between the eyes because it is very convicting of a lot of my selfish behavior. This passage speaks huge to me.

1What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? 2You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. 3When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. James 4:1-3

Only three small verses...but they hold so much weight. There has also been another verse swirling around my head along these lines.

2 All a man's ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the LORD. Proverbs 16:2

Motives...this is what the dictionary says:

-noun
1.
something that causes a person to act in a certain way, do a certain thing, etc.; incentive.
2.
the goal or object of a person's actions: Her motive was revenge.

What are my motives? The Proverbs verse really shakes me because I KNOW there are times where I act one way but am lying with my actions because my heart is different. It is more evident in the James passage because I usually end up seeing the selfish part when I am in an argument with someone. It is more the secretive motives where I may even be deceiving myself that really shake me to the core. I am actually grieved to know there are probably a lot of areas in my heart that are black because I FEEL like I have good motives but they are actually completely selfish, unGod-seeking ones. They dictate my actions and cause me to try and control my behavior and other peoples behavior and when things don't go the way I want, I get angry.

I have to let go of this. It is something that is HUGELY destructive to relationships and when relationships are the most important thing to God then it is time for me to change.

I only get one chance at this life. There are no re-dues. Some day, I WILL stand before the Father and all of the things of my heart will be exposed. I won't be able to make excuses. Nothing holds a candle to holiness. What do I want? I want to look into Jesus' eyes and have Him say, "Well done, my good and faithful servent. Well done." I don't want to be the person that buried my talent because of wrong motives - selfishness, laziness, whatever it may be.

One life - and today might be my last day. None of us really ever know. That was made evident with how quickly my dad was sitting at the breakfast table one moment and standing in Glory the next.

It's not easy. I'm asking God to nudge me, to weigh my motives. If I am praying for something that is a desire of my heart what are my surrounding reasons? Is it to bring Him glory? And if I DON'T get what I want, how will I respond? My response shows either how selfish my desires are or how willing I am to submit MY PLANS under His will. That has been a big deal lately. MY PLANS. My plans get in the way A LOT.

Lord would you help me submit my plans to Your will? God, help me release control over the things I have no control of anyway and live fully in the moment, able to hear Your voice.

Those are my prayers. I know it may be moment by moment surrender until the intensity of having to grasp things so tightly begins to loosen and I begin to rest in the power of God's perfect plan - no matter how it looks to me.

Thank you Jesus for your faithfulness to me, even if I seem to be a slow learner. Thank you for loving me anyway.