Catching Up

So, I'm two weeks behind in posting my notes from class. I took a week off to post the Thanksgiving post - lol. Posting once a week is about my max. I haven't been writing as furiously as I had at the beginning of this "topic" of the heart. We are definitely sitting in this place for a while. I think Dan and Jody see how fundamental this is for building on everything from here. For the FIRST time in my life, I feel like I am actually "getting it". For so many years, I've struggled with the same, habitual sins be it laziness, selfishness, whatever. I kept thinking, "Oh, I need to just TRY a little harder or DO something a little different." But then, nothing really changes. When Jody said a few weeks ago that when our heart is sick we can do nothing to change it. That really hit me between the eyes - I guess the eyes of my heart. We HAVE to confess it. I realize now that it is learning absolute honesty and submission. I confess my sinful heart to the Father and ask for Him to come in and heal me. Man, this has really begun to change my life. I think I wrote about this already but it is STILL changing me. Hopefully, it always will be. It has really started healing the real problem...my sick heart. This verse comes to mind:

"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh." Ezekiel 36:26

So, onto the teaching. Two Sunday's ago Jody said our heart condition is genetic. Just like physical health problems, our sick heart was inherited through our fathers. This is why we tend to default back to that. What is my foundation? Is it Christ or is it the church? And by church I mean - is it the traditions and things we think we need to DO or how we need to act? Do I have strength of SOUL or do I only do what I HEAR the Father saying to do?

That last question is SO critical. I have operated in strength of soul for years - wondering if what I was doing was "God's will" and running ahead in my own power and then praying desperatly for God to either bless or forgive my actions.

This next part totally hit me between the eyes, too. Jody said, "I am only going to comprehend love when I am around someone who offends me." What? By being around someone that completely offends me, I either learn to grow in love and my heart is expanded - or I have a heart attack and my heart is hardened and shut down. There is no middle ground. I have a choice every time I am around someone who offends me. If I have a "heart attack" it is as serious as a physical heart attack. I need to get to the heart doctor NOW! Confess, confess, confess. He is the only avenue of real healing.

I still remember Jody saying quite a while ago now, that her daughters did not teach her love. They are EASY to love. It has been the struggles, trials, forever ongoing ups and downs with her son that has taught her truly how to love.

Last week, I just had a couple of things that stood out to me. Dan said our stories are impactual. They are what we pass down from generation to generation. Each of us is writing our own story now. If we have to go back 2000 years ago to the Bible to find stories for our kids, our kids will think that God USED to work, but He doesn't now. Those stories, have merrit and they totally are important as a foundation for us, but we should be showing our kids through OUR stories of how we learn to become dependent on the Lord and how He has taken care of and will ALWAYS take care of us. That is something I am pondering a lot now. Is my life story a reflection of trusting and relying on the Lord? I definitely see that there are times and periods of my life where it is. But Dan also said this. "There are two ways we get stories - circumstances that hit us or walking in obedience."

I think a lot of my "stories" have come because of a desperate situation that has come upon me and I cling to the Father and ask Him to work or to help me in whatever it may be. I am desiring to have more stories from just the amazing, scary, crazy things that happen from walking in obedience. I have had a couple direct answers to prayer lately from walking in a new direction in a way I have felt God leading. It has been a bit scary but it is also exciting because I totally believe my God is capable of ANYTHING. When I pray believing that and trusting in His provisions for my family and I, He has met me and answered me. My faith is strengthened. But, I have to believe before there are answers. I think that is the crazy thing about faith. I believe because of who I know God is. I don't give up hope because I know God CAN work in any way He wants. And if He chooses not to work in a way that I think He should, it is because He has a much better, different plan for me. Even if I don't understand, I continue this journey of faith and new chapter in my story.