Trusting...because I have to?

There is always so much I want to write down before it escapes my brain...because this stuff is too good to let go of. One thing that was brought up in class today was, is my trust in the Lord itself fear based? For example, am I only clinging to Him with a death grip, desperate because He is my ONLY answer? Do I wait until nothing else works and then I turn to Him? I never thought of fear-based trusting before. I always thought that fear MOVED me to trust, not that I was still only trusting IN fear. I have a choice. I can choose to not be afraid and to trust the Lord completely. I can let Him hold me instead of me holding on to Him white-knuckled and afraid. Moving out of the realm of fear completely into the realm of total trusting allows me to move into His rest. I am not filled with anxiety about what may or may not happen. That doesn't mean the choice to fear doesn't still present itself. But when I see it clearly as a choice, I can turn my back on it and look fully into Jesus' face, choosing to trust, choosing to get out of the boat onto that water - not looking at the wind and waves crashing around me, but only to Jesus. It is possible. I know this because I'm starting to experience it really for the first time. And it's amazing.